Sex ed, Wyoming, 1980

I asked Martha to write this down because I wonder if this assignment would look similar completed by girls and boys of today, and I love her descriptive ways.

"The girls and boys were crowded into a room and introduced to my favorite animated super-hero of all time, Captain Condom, and participated in an exercise that I continue to imagine as the basis of someone’s doctoral dissertation. Divided by gender, the boys and girls were each given a six-foot long piece of butcher paper on which was drawn the outline of a human body, along with the instructions, “fill it in.” The girls were supposed to fill in a boy, and vice-versa. We girls, fueled by visions of rainbows and unicorns and Stevie Nick’s latest top 40 hit, filled our boy – his name was “Steve” - with hearts drawn in all different colors, each labeled with a different human emotion – “hate,” “love,” “fear,” “tenderness.” The boys filled in their body with boobs down to her knees and the word “PUSSY” written in shouting caps across her vagina. She didn’t get a name."

The Lobby

Unit: internal female reproductive anatomy
Class: all male 7th graders
Goal: connect students to the material

"The ovaries are important. They host and, in timely fashion, pitch-out all the eggs a female will ever have," I explain.

A boy acts out a pitching motion then mimics an exploding egg.

"Outside the ovaries are slow highways called fallopian tubes. These are essential for directing the eggs to the amazing uterus."

I pause here to teach a little call-and-response for the sacred, magical uterus."When I say 'uterus' you sing out a single, high, angelic note, "AHHH!"

"I say, 'uterus.' You say 'AHHH!'

"Uterus."

"AHHH!"

"Perfect, let's continue. It takes days for the egg to arrive at the uterus --"

"AHHH!" appropriately interrupts me.

"The uterus ("AHHH!" they sound out) is an amazing, sacred place. Life begins, life grows in the uterus ("AHHH!" they sing again). No other organ is capable of such wonder."

"At the base of the uterus ("AHHH!") is a cyclops-like protector, the cervix," I snarl giving my best one-eyed squint.

"This cyclops-like cervix tries to keep anything from getting into the sacred space of the uterus" I say -- quickly followed by "AHHH!"

I review, "So, the ovaries are egg-holders, the fallopian tubes are essential transport systems, the uterus ("AHHH!") is a life-growing sacred space, the cervix is a protector of all systems above, and there is one more..."

"Below the cervix is an expandable space, the vagina. It is an area designed to host a tampon or a penis, and miraculously a baby can come through it. It doesn't have a function like the 'egg-holder' or 'life-grower'; rather its job is to be a space." I explain.

"Can we call it 'the lobby'?" a student offers.

I try hold back a smile, but the 7th graders take off with it...

"Excuse me, where is 'the lobby'?"
"Meet you in 'the lobby' later."
"I was in 'the lobby' for a while!"
"I'll meet you both at noon in 'the lobby'."

The Unwilling Ménage à Trois

Home is the primary sexuality educator; parents start the minute their child is born. Then somewhere around middle school we sex educators join the show for 180 to 400 minutes of a student’s life. We need parents to accept us as partners for better of for worse and in sickness and in health during the sex ed unit. It is worth working on that relationship with whatever it takes: one on one conferences, small group discussions, or parent sex ed information nights. Anything to strengthen the acceptance of each other and to prevent curricular tussles.

So, just when the parents and we sex educators were getting comfortable together, along comes a powerful, seductive, tempting new player. The Internet. Having never signed up for it, we (sex educators and parents) find ourselves in an unwilling ménage à trois.

I have been teaching sex ed in varying capacities for the past two decades, which means before and after the reality of the Internet. I am finding it tricky, yet essential, to wrestle with this new bed-partner. The Internet gets (and has already had) students' time and attention for countless influential hours. As difficult or unappealing as it may sound, we sex educators and parents need to keep up.

The other day in class, when I wasn’t sure what an Alabama Hot Pocket was (I was pretty sure it was the same as a Cleveland Steamer), the student who asked said, “Oh, we can just Google it – or Google video it.”

That was crushing to hear, but it is the truth. The Internet is a game changer. It has totally changed the rules and stretched the spectrum of normal sexual behavior even further to the “fringe.” This is a reality, not a conspiracy or a battle that parents and sex educators need to face.

Conversations and questions generated by students during a sex ed class are emotional, honest and sometimes shocking. For some students, it is the first time such topics have been discussed in the presence of others. It can be challenging terrain. Yet, it is educational and essential to grapple with the words, the emotion and the reality around these topics in a safe space – be that at home or in the classroom. The screen cannot answer the way a parent or sex ed teacher would respond.

Students want to talk and learn about sex, not get freaked out by it on the Internet. This is evidenced by typical questions asked in class:

• How do you know you have lost your virginity?
• Can a man have so much sexual intercourse that he runs out of sperm?
• Can a woman drink her own breast milk if she is lost in the desert?
• Can a girl force a guy to have sex? If so, is that rape?
• Can you get pregnant from oral sex?
• What is butt sex?
• Can 8th grade girls walk around, like, squirting milk?

These questions are gold: verbalizations of internally generated curiosity. Students are constantly trying to navigate the sexual world into which they are emerging. Sex ed teachers and parents secure their status as ‘go-to-resources' by answering questions honestly and to the best of their ability.

The computer screen is not a productive resource when it comes to sex ed. It does not respond, assess interest, detect nuances, pick up on humor, offer guidance or model behavior - all of which are essential ingredients in any sex ed classroom or home.

Students' curiosity may be generated from the Internet, older siblings, movies, the news or wherever. I encourage students to bring questions to class, any questions. Any Questions. When it comes to topics of sexuality, it is key for the students to seek counsel in other human beings. If not they will seek counsel in the screen: Google, Google video, urbandictionary.com, etc. Then human sexuality becomes just another youtube video right next to the motorcycle crash or the granny who trips down the stairs.

TV and the Internet launch their curiosity to search or investigate advanced, bizarre, and twisted topics. Listed is a real sample of typical sex ed questions mixed in with media/Internet- influenced questions from sex ed class:

• What does, “Don’t drop the soap” mean?
• How do you know when it is time to kiss someone?
• Can a penis get stuck inside a woman?
• Can a man accidentally pee in her?
• What is a choad?
• If a woman has sex when she is pregnant does the baby get horny?
• What is ear sex?
• What does ‘you make me wet’ mean?
• Can a dog have sex with a human?
• Why do adults want to have sex with children?
• What is an Alaskan Fire Dragon?
• Why do women want men to poop on them?

Screen time, in a way, is an extension of “the back of the bus” conversations full of half truths that confuse and mislead adolescents. In a recent 6th grade sex ed class a student commented, “I heard that when lesbians don’t use dildos, they use gerbils.” What could generate such curiosity? I am suspicious of that disorienting third wheel, the guest that won’t leave, the Internet.

Nads

Unit: internal female reproductive anatomy
Class: all male 7th graders
Goal: keep the students connected to the material

"From the moment a girl is born she has all the eggs she will ever have. Her two ovaries are like egg cartons filled with 100's of eggs. Any DNA she passes along comes from her eggs."

"Any DNA a male passes along comes from where?" I ask.

A quick hand shoots up, "From his sperm. Sperm carry DNA."

"That's right. And where do sperm grow in the male body?"

Answers fly: "His balls!", "His testes", "His family jewels", and then I hear it, "His gonads", "His nads."

I respond, "Yes to all of those terms. Females and males both have gonads. Both testicles and ovaries are referred to as gonads or 'nads'. The job of gonads is to form sperm or eggs - the cells necessary for sexual reproduction."

A boy asks, "Wait, wait, wait. Girls have nads?"

"Yup."

Wincing a bit he continues, "So does it hurt if they are kicked in their nads, too?"

"Yes, but not as much because Mother Nature did a fine job of protecting the egg filled-ovaries deep in the female body behind skin, muscle, fat, intestine and, from some angles, bone. It seems a bit unfair that you males only get a wee sac of skin to protect your gonads." I offer.

"It is a crime!", he declares.